Cartoon
Wake, Rattle, and Roll

Animal
Inspectah

Outfit: Sony U-matic videotape / jacked-up Colecovision / kimono?

Tagline: "Digital Electronic Cassette-Headed Kinematic System." Yes, somebody worked "cassette-headed" into an acronym. It still works if you keep the H in and make it "DECHKS," if you pretend Sean Connery is saying it.

Plot summary: "Wake, Rattle, and Roll" was a live-action/animated television show produced by Hanna-Barbera about a boy named Sam Baxter and his robot D.E.C.K.S. and their adventures in the basement. Like every human being who existed between 1990 and 1992, Sam was a "high-tech whiz kid teen." I swear to God he could've had skateboards for arms, I don't remember. Sam created companionship for himself by manning a time machine (!) in his parents' basement that could bring back historical figures, people from the future, or cutting-edge celebrities like comedy's "Sinbad" to talk about the origins of humanity, how we continue to evolve, or how mankind be scared when Mama pull off a switch and be all, boy get back here I'm own whip you. Come to think of it, a time machine could explain where Sinbad got all of those quasi-futuristic windbreaker suits. In a lazier effort, Sam created a robot pal by stacking up a bunch of TV/VCR equipment and covering it with a Hawaiian shirt.

After a short live-action skit comparable to something the Super Mario Brothers Super Show would've done in (apparently) the same brick-walled couple of rooms where the Super Mario Brothers worked, D.E.C.K.S. would turn on the television screen on his torso and display an animated short. When this was over, the Honky Tonk Man would use the show to finish off his opponent. (more)

User Comments: D.E.C.K.S. was like the worst possible King of Cartoons. I always thought the King of Cartoons was kind of a bastard, secretly hoping to ruin everyone's fun. Think about it. There was ALWAYS something crazy going on at Pee-wee's Playhouse. The place was always either catching fire or being filled to capacity by monsters and the insane, and even the floor would come to life to compliment you when you danced interpretively. The flowers talked. There was a DINOSAUR. And then this guy shows up professing monarchy with a Bosko cartoon or some shit, and everything grinds to a halt and you're stuck watching black and white dog-people bob up and down to ragtime music for three minutes. What the fuck is that? That's not fun.

D.E.C.K.S. did the same thing. Sam has a time machine and can bring back anybody from the past, present, or future to hang out with him. Can you imagine that? From Stallyns-esque activities like taking Genghis Khan to the mall to the simple pleasure of coaxing 1995 Angelina Jolie into your basement "apartment," a time machine is playing God with chronology and physics. I love cartoons as much as or quite obviously more than the next guy, but come on. I'm not going to squat in the basement with Sinbad for five minutes watching Pixie and Dixie on the H.O.N.K.Y. 3000 when I could be conquering Gaul on a space dolphin.

User Rating: 3.7/10 (5 votes)