WH*T IN THE FUCK?

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What this site is, or at least should be, is the Calvinball of websites.

Calvin and Hobbes © Universal Press Syndicate

 

There are no rules to Calvinball, except to have fun and be original. Oh yeah, and wear a black bandana. Before proceeding further, please print this page, cut out the bandana below, and vow to wear it at all times while browsing on our Internet pages.

Okay, now step in the explanation zone. Don't worry, you can't be pegged with the Calvinball for (3 minus the number of Ja Rule albums you own) minutes.

WHAP

That's what you get, asshole.

But hold up one second. Maybe I'm being a little too hateful here. Though we do hate things, it's not what we're about. The Internet is far too crowded with pissed-off people, and not crowded enough with pissed-on people. Except for R. Kelly's girlfriend! OR SHOULD I SAY ELEMENTARY SCHOOL STUDENT AM I RIGHT?

See, that is funny because
1) this tidbit has become a slice of pop culture, and
2) molesting children = laugh.

One thing we really didn't want to be was ordinary. There are a lot of entertainment-writing (I don't even really know what to call them) sites on the Net, and while there are some really good ones out there, there are twice as many stagnant, boring websites that fill their front pages with IM convos and TOP 10 TEN THINGS I HATE lists. I think I can safely speak for the others when I say that we'd rather suck and be different, than be mediocre and just like everyone else.

So, how did Progressive Boink get started?

We basically began as a spinoff site of Whatever-Dude.com, which no longer exists, save for our own preservation of its very best content, and the Internet Archive Wayback Machine's preservation of ten seconds' worth of the site's total uptime. A few of us were either a writer or forum member there, and though we loved them, we felt the need to start our very own website with cacky baby-poop colours.

Progressiveboink.com takes its name from the Calvin and Hobbes treasury "Scientific Progress Goes Boink." We're big on Calvin and Hobbes here, but you probably know that by now.

Getting enough content on a website is a struggle. It's a hobby, not a job, and we are often busy doing real-world activities such as swimming in the ocean and building factories. So we figured that if we update at least once a week, we set definite goals for ourselves and give you, the reader, a definite time frame you can come back, check out our pictures and captions, and skim our text for boldface. The rest is just useless drivel anyway, take it from me. That's my little reward from me to you for sticking around this long.

One more thing: there are some things (IM convos and other stupid shit) that we didn't want to clog the main page with. We've hidden their links throughout the website. So if you're really bored, check it out, but I really can't stress enough how much better your time could be spent if you built a factory. Especially one that manufactures robots and metric rulers. They're the future.

Oh yeah, I never answered your last question. The reason you can't feel your fingers or toes is because

Enjoy the site!

—Jon